…ike I moderate the emotions of my girlfriends more than they moderate mine.” I thought about that — it’s hard to say, because obviously male lack of awareness around this plays into it. However, I also think that single men tend to function less well single than women (in part, due to…
I can’t stress enough that everything about relationships is a dynamic. It requires, actually, that’s the wrong word, since it implies contract or specification, but for want of a better word…. It needs both parties to engage in a useful, dynamic. It’s made up of both/all parties and the dynamic. There are three forces there.
That said, I agree, we do indeed nurture men and women differently and I for one, find societal gender roles unacceptable. However, to state that he is lacking awareness or experiences about his own feelings is a naturally invalidating position to take about someone else. It’s like saying women aren’t prone to rebounds, or don’t have to try to fill voids in their lives when partners die or aren’t there after acrimonious divisions. That sort of experience is a classic form of cognitive dissonance. Everyone is just as susceptible to trying to put the world back in order after such an event. Trying to restore consonance. It is the remnants of the mental model people had for years, the thing that gave them the certainty about the world around them. That the USA wouldn’t be stupid, racist, gullible, homophobic or misogynistic enough to vote Trump. It’s probably shaped as they grew into adulthood, yet is suddenly shattered and they’re left with no understanding of themselves, no trust in people, no trust in systems, no trust in legal protection, because all of those were violated. Indeed, they feel no understanding of the world around them. Questioning literally everything they ever knew. Every experience leaves a scar.
It is the non-linear nature of those interdependent entities. The parties and the dynamic, that allow other ways to both hurt but also soothe. We can’t forget that from a point of “victimhood”, the highest killer of young men bar car accidents is suicide. Precisely because men aren’t allowed to feel (which I highlight in agreement with your statement). For most men, as equal to society’s influence on women, the pressure on them to just get in with it, leads to many not knowing when or where to turn to. In that desperation, for many, one outlet is “out”.